How to stay calm during an argument

You can feel it brewing in the seconds leading up to a big argument. You have tantrums, you feel flushed, and you’re suddenly ready to say things out loud that you know you can never take back. Violent fights — and even normal-sized feuding sessions — can irrevocably damage relationships of all kinds. If you engage in any of them, whether with a stranger, a coworker, or a friend, you can never be quite sure of the outcome. You can only hope that the situation does not turn violent.

In those few seconds, however, you have a choice. You can’t necessarily control the situation, but can defuse it yourself. Here are some tips to help you stay calm when things get hot.

Understand why you feel the need to fight

The urge to fight does not come out of nowhere. It is a product of your temperament, your past experiences, your personal preferences and the specific situation. Depending on how all of these things work together, you may find yourself ready to throw yourself out at any time when you perceive a threat, feel disrespected, or sense the other person is preparing to argue with you. While there’s not much you can do to avoid a moment of spontaneous tension, you can learn more about yourself now so you can better understand your impulses when the time comes.

Likesuccess coach Ronnie Bloom Explain“Most people know ‘fight or flight’ as an adrenaline-charged reactive state we find ourselves in when we perceive a threat. [They] are part of a quartet of survival responses. The other two members of the family are “frost” and “tawny”. All four are instinctual responses that help us emotionally and physically survive threats to the best of our abilities.

A “fight” instinct will lead you to adopt an aggressive stance. A “flight” instinct will lead you to disengage entirely. A “freezing” instinct will leave you unable to respond to perceived threat. A “wild” instinct will see you try to please the other party to avoid conflict.

Think back to how you handled heated situations in the old days. Did you default to pleasing people or did you run away? Your past experiences play a big role in how you will react in the future. In situations where things went wrong for you if you became assertive or aggressive, you may have learned to avoid that path – or not. Some of us are undeterred by past results, some of us may not yet have faced the aftermath of the fights. Pass time to question your motives and behaviors and work to understand yourself so that you can, at all less, Avoid looking for situations where youvent your aggression on someone else, which could only makes your problems worse.

“In many cases, the ‘fight’ response results in more fallout and damage than the situation already present,” Bloom warned.

De-escalation happens long before a fight starts

Self-understanding does easier to recognize when a tense situation escalates to the point of aggressive conflict. Yet the The point of the fight/flight/freeze/wild framework is that these responses are largely unconscious. A large part of theclimbing work comes long before a possible fight.

“The first thing I think people need to know is if they’re in a ‘fight’ [mode] So it’s probably the part of their brain responsible for reason and deliberation that’s offline,” Bloom says. “Our brains do this so they don’t get stuck in analysis paralysis when a bear is chasing us. The reason why this knowledge is so important, in my opinion…it informs us that logic and reason are not the next step. Quieting the mind-body activation of being in the “fight” must be the first priority. Ithis is the key for you to to know you are in “combat” in the first place, which means you have to To feel her, since reasoning left the building.

She suggested trying to bring the feeling of “fighting” to your body when you’re not actually in a fight, and noticing what it does. Ask yourself where the feeling is in your body—Whether it has a color, whether it has a shape, whether it is heavy, whether it tingles or whether it is numb. Identify how the answer feels using any adjective that works, then memorize it.

“It’s a fight,” she said. “You will be able to recognize it better the next time it happens and know how to start the dieescalation process.

How to stay calm in a fight

While understanding the origins of combat response is essential, wWhen theory becomes practical, there are other things you need to know and do at that time. Bloom suggests Move away from the activation situation if possible, which may mean going to your room, walking outside, or heading to a bathroom stall.

“The idea is to put yourself in a space where you can safely express that instinct and then calm down,” she says.. YesYou can beat a pillow, or even scream into it, or find another way to express your aggression.. Consider opening your notes app and typing anything you wish you could say to the other person at the time, but don’t actually do it. send their way.

After you take that aggression out, take a moment to syourself: try yoga, eat a special meal, listen to your favorite music, or do whatever makes you happy.

“This safe and calming method of expression brings you back into the space where reason and logic are back in line and you have them available to you again for decision-making and contemplation,” Bloom says.

However, she notes There may be situations in which you can’t take off to an isolated location. In times like this, take a deep breath and invoke the best restraint you can manage until you can get out.. Stay present, to the best of your ability, and remember that the fallout from continuing the fight could be severe and long-lasting.

“Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel,” she said, referring to your eventual opportunity to get out of the situation..